


Corrupter Soul

by DanceInPurpleRain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Episode: s04e01 Lazarus Rising, Evil Sam Winchester, Gen, Hell, Hurt/Comfort, Post Episode: s03e16 No Rest for the Wicked, Psychic Abilities
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-01-16 03:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1329520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanceInPurpleRain/pseuds/DanceInPurpleRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set right after Dean came back from hell. Dean comes back to life only to find that Sam's embraced his evil powers, will he be able to save him, or is it too late? In this story Sam doesn't drink demon blood and there are no angels. Also this isn't one of those stories where Sam goes evil and changes everything that he is, I'm trying to keep Sam in character as much as possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this story won't be very long, maybe 4 or 5 chapters, cause I never finish long stories anyway. This is before the angel nonsense started, but right after Dean came back from hell. I loved the way Supernatural was going during the first few seasons, I still love the show, but I wish it would've went differently, that's why I decided to write this. In this story Ruby isn't evil and she's in the same body she was at first, also in here Sam doesn't drink demon blood, all he needs to do to unlock his powers is practice. I wrote the poem myself for this story and this is only the first part of it, the next chapter will have another part of the poem and it will go on like that, but all of the parts will be from the same poem. You can also find this story in FanFiction (Same title).

_Don't take another look at me,_

_Cause you won't like what you will see,_

_I'm not the person you once knew,_

_There's just the beast I've turned into._

Chapter 1

Dean's POV:

"Where's Sam?" The question slips out almost casually, but then the concern for my little brother finds its way into my voice.

"I've been calling, but he's not answering his phone. He's not…" I trail off suddenly even more concerned. The last time I saw Sam he was taking on Lilith. Alone. While I died.

"No, he's alive." Bobby says, but by the tone of his voice I can tell that there's a 'but' coming. I focus all of my attention on Bobby, but I still can't help but nervously dart my eyes around the room and flinch at ever sound I hear, hell will do that to you, I guess. I still can't believe I'm back, I was gone – dead, for so, so many years and then suddenly I was back. I'm not sure if I'd be able to pull it together if I wasn't so worried about Sam.

"So where is he then?" I ask. Bobby looks at anything but me, which is something I've never seen him do before, for as long as I've known him he always seemed to know just what to say.

"Bobby?" I ask almost in a whisper. What could it be? What could be so bad that he would be having such difficulty telling me it?

"I have no idea where he is. He's… Dean, he's gone." He says. What is that supposed to mean?

"You said he wasn't dead." I say now completely freaking out.

"He's not dead. But he's gone Dean." Bobby says.

"You're not making any sense." I say raising my voice, because there's only so much I can take in one day and coming back from hell was already way too much for me to take in.

"Damn it, you're not listening Dean. He's gone!" He yells, but then his eyes soften. A thought crosses my mind. A bad one.

"You… you don't mean his powers, do you?" I ask horrified by the very idea.

"I couldn't save him, I don't think he even wanted to be saved." He says with sorrow in his voice. No, no, no. My brother is not evil, he would never give in to those powers.

"Tell me everything that happened." I say in a voice that even I don't recognize. He hesitates, but starts talking anyway.

"…After you died, he tried to bring you back, but no crossroads demon would make a deal with him and nothing worked, so after a few weeks he realized there was nothing he could do to save you and he… he got just so angry." Bobby says shaking his head sadly.

"What happened then?" I encourage after a moment of silence. I cling to his every word, praying to a God I don't believe in that this isn't as bad as Bobby's making it out to be.

"At first he focused on killing Lilith, he became obsessed with it. Then Ruby showed up." He says.

"Ruby. I knew she couldn't be trusted." I say angrily cutting Bobby off. I should've known Ruby was only trying to lure Sam to the dark side.

"Actually Ruby didn't do anything wrong. I didn't like the idea of her helping Sam unlock his powers, but I saw them practice, he was broken kept pushing me away, but Ruby convinced him to go back to my house so that he could train here, for awhile things actually seemed okay, she toughed him how to exorcise demons with his mind and that was it. But then his rage took the best of him, revenge became the only thing he could see and when Ruby refused to teach him about his other powers he decided to do it himself. He started practicing on his own, started talking to demons and making alliances with them instead of exorcising them. Ruby and I tried to stop him, bring him back to his senses, but he just wouldn't listen. Somewhere along the way he got a new goal – become the ruler of demons. When Ruby and I learned of this… she tried to stop him and he almost killed her, after that she gave up, said that it was too late to save him and left." There is no way Sam would ever do any of that. No way.

"So what? You gave up on him just because he almost killed a demon?" I ask suddenly getting angry.

"No. I gave up on him because he almost killed me." He says. Suddenly the anger is replaced by shock and a cold feeling I can't even describe.

"What?" I ask in a whisper, because I find myself unable to speak any louder.

"The incident with Ruby happened about a month and a half after you died. After that I kept on trying to get through to him, he didn't listen, but he didn't do anything to harm me either. About a month after Ruby I was trying to talk to him, but it turned into an argument between us and he used his powers against me. Started using the telekinesis thing, slamming me around the walls, he only stopped after I passed out. I spent two weeks in a hospital after that, it's a miracle I survived." He finishes.

"No, no, no. Sam wouldn't do that. Ever. He wouldn't." I say shaking my head.

"I think that at first when he decided to take over hell it was to save you." He says.

"To save me? You have got to be kidding me." I say shocked.

"Think about it, you were in hell, the demons didn't want to let you out, but as their ruler he could've made them do whatever he wanted to. He never said that, but I know him and I know how much he was still hurting." He says.

"Well if that's the case then when he sees that I'm back he'll come back to us, right?" I ask hopefully.

"Dean… He already became their ruler about a month ago, Lilith's in hiding and there are only a few demons left that are still loyal to her. I really think that at first he was doing this to save you, but the powers got the best of him. He's gone Dean." He says.

"No, he's not. Don't you dare say that." I say standing up.

"Dean." He says warningly.

"I'm not giving up on him!" I yell angrily.

"It's too late." He says.

"You don't know that. I will bring him back. You can either help me or stay out of my way." I say determined. He sighs.

"Of course I'll help you." He says. I nod. I will save him if it's the last thing I do.

 

The bed is soft. Too soft and the darkness is consuming. No matter how many times I keep on telling myself that I'm back, I'm alive, I just can't help but feel like any moment now I'll open my eyes and be back there. But that's not the reason why I'm laying awake in the bed in Bobby's house when I should be sleeping, the reason for that is Sam. I can't stop thinking about him. I just can't wrap my head around everything that Bobby told me. Sammy wouldn't do any of that. But it looks like he did. I can only hope that Bobby's wrong and he's not too far gone to be saved. Maybe when he sees that I'm back he'll come to his senses. Maybe it will be enough. Please, let it be enough.

"So how do you want to do this?" Bobby asks. We're sitting at his table and I'm forcing myself to eat breakfast. I don't know if it's the thing with Sam or coming back from hell, but somehow the very thought of food makes me feel sick.

"We need to find him and then I'm just going to talk to him." I answer. I don't feel tired, I should, because I didn't get any sleep last night, but I don't.

"It's not going to be that easy, even if we do find him he'll be surrounded by demons." He says.

"Then we'll find some way to distract them, I just need to talk to him." I say.

"You really think talking to him will bring him back?" He asks. He doesn't think that it will, but I can't think like that. Really, I can't, hope is the only thing keeping me alive.

"I have to try." I say. I wish I wouldn't sound so broken. I wish for a lot of things actually. There's a moment of silence.

"Then we'll try." He says sensing the desperation in my voice.

Sam's POV:

A little girl is asking her father to buy her ice cream. Her face lights up when he agrees… An older woman is sitting at a table on the other side of the small café I'm in and talking with who I can only assume is her son, a smile on her face… The young waitress I just ordered food from is talking with someone on the phone, she's laughing. It's fascinating how little people need to find happiness. Was I like that too? I guess I was.

"Here is your food." A waitress says putting a bowl of salad on my table. She has a smile on her face.

"Thank you." I say offering her a smile too. My smile feels fake and so does talking so nicely, but acting is entertaining and what else am I supposed to do when I'm not ordering around demons?

"Let me know if you need anything else." She says and walks away. I start eating my salad. 'Rabbit food' – Dean would say. The memory doesn't hurt, it's weird because I still expect for it too. I eat the food and leave. I get in my car, which is not the impala, and drive down the road, just a little out of town. I left the impala back at Bobby's, I'm not even sure why I did, but I think back then it made sense to me. I stop in front of the huge mansion, drive through the gate that's surrounded by my demons. The mail man, the neighbors, the cab driver, they're all demons. I get out of the car and walk inside my mansion.

"Hello Sir." Jimmy, one of my demons greets me. He looks nervous, scared. Good, he should be. They should all fear me.

"Any news on Lilith?" I ask putting the car keys on the table.

'No, sir, but we'll find her." Jimmy says.

"You better." I say giving him a hard look. I walk through a door leading to the library. My personal library. There are books from all around the world, books that simple people would spend years trying to find and still fail, but my demons only took a few days to find thousands of these very rare books.

"Hey honey." I greet the girl sitting on the couch.

"Hello, Sam." She says forcing a smile. Ashley Miller. Eighteen years old. Human. Her soft, straight brown hair ends just a little below her shoulders and her eyes are so blue they remind me of an ocean. I watch her as she nervously runs a hand through her hair, while her eyes stare into mine, trying to read me. I sit down next to her. She flinches when our shoulders touch, but she doesn't move away. She knows better than that. I first met her a month ago in a park. She was sitting on the swings and she was all alone. She looked upset. The next day I told my demons to bring her here. Honestly I was just bored, I wanted some company and decided she would be perfect for the job. It didn't take her long to figure out running wasn't an option. A few months ago the very thought of kidnapping someone like that would've horrified me, but I guess a lot's changed since then. It's not like I ever hurt her, at least not a lot, she can have anything she wants, walk around town, talk to people, have fun, whatever she wants, as long as she doesn't run and acts the way I want for her to act. I put my arm around her shoulders and bring her even closer to me.

"Did you eat anything yet?" I ask casually.

"Yes." She answers.

"Good." I say.

"How was your walk?" She asks.

"Good, I went to a café. We should go there together sometime." I say.

"We should." She says. She's tense. I love the fear. I stand up, pick up a book and sit back down beside her. I should've embraced my powers a long time ago. It's weird, I was so afraid that if the powers took over it'd turn into something I'm not, some other person with different goals and interests, but I was wrong, that's not the way it works at all. It's still me. I still hate Lilith, I still like learning new things, the only difference is that now I have powers and I don't feel any of those weak human emotions. There's no more pain, or guilt, or love, I don't have to feel anything I don't want to feel. But that doesn't change what I know, what I understand. Ashley starts standing up, but I grab her wrist, bring her back down and roughly kiss her on the lips, then I let her go. She stands there for a few seconds, unsure of what to do, then says something about wanting to get some sleep and walks out of the library. I start reading my book. Yup, not feeling is good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the second chapter of my story, I'll try to post the third one soon.

_My soul's corrupted by the Devil,_

_Guess I should have been more careful,_

_Seems like everything around me's lifeless,_

_And all I'm left with is this emptiness._

**Chapter 2**

**Dean's POV:**

"Are you sure about this?" Bobby asks. My hands tighten around the wheel of the impala. He's my brother, I'm not giving up on him.

"I'm sure." I say.

"I still think this is a stupid idea." He says sighing. We're sitting in the impala a little down the road from a huge mansion. Sam's mansion. It took us two weeks to find him, but all of the electrical storms, the strange deaths, the demons, it all leads to this place. Everything's set for our plan, we both know what we need to do. Bobby must sense my hesitation, because he gives me a long and understanding look.

"Dean, you know what the chances are that he'll come through just because you'll ask him to. Maybe we shouldn't do this." He suggests.

"No. We're doing it." I say quickly.

"Okay. Then good luck." He says giving me a sad look.

"You too." I say shakily. He gets out of the car and walks away. I wait for my cue.

**Sam's POV:**

I put my hands under the warm water in the sink and watch the water turn red as it washes away the blood from my hands, blood that is not mine. That demon should've known better then to question me. Ashley was horrified by the blood so she locked herself in  _our_  room, I hate it when she gets like this. I stop the water. I'm about to walk out of the bathroom when my eyes stop on my reflection in the mirror. Same hair that could use a haircut, same face, same posture, but something's different. Maybe it's my eyes. They look cold… empty. Why? What changed? I'm still the same person I've always been, so why do I feel like something's changed? A memory crosses my mind, from back when Dean and I were hunting Bloody Merry and she would see the truth about people from the mirrors. People say that mirrors show the true reflection of the soul. Do I even have a soul anymore? The me from a few months ago would definitely wonder that if he could see me now. Dean would wonder that too. But Dean is gone and I was a fool to fight for the greater good when nothing good ever happened to me. Sounds of alarms snap me out of my thoughts. I quickly walk out of the bathroom and into my library, which right now is empty. I can hear talking and it takes me a few seconds to recognize the words. It's an exorcism, or to be more specific a recording of one and it can be heard all around my mansion. There's no way I'd find the recording in time, which means all I can do now is wait. I should've told my demons to seal themselves in the bodies, I can't believe I didn't think of it before. Too late now. I sit down on the soft couch and wait, the alarm automatically sent out a distress signal to other demons, they'll be here very soon, Ashley's not stupid, she knows that she has to stay locked in our room and I've got my powers to deal with the intruders, whoever they are. Those intruders are either very stupid or very brave, but either way they're dead. The exorcism finishes, which means it's just me, Ashley and the intruders now. Good, this will be fun. Just the distraction I needed from my over analyzing things. I sand up and start walking around the room. I wonder who they are. Hunters? Monsters? Maybe angels? I've actually run into a few of them over the past few months. I hear careful footsteps slowly approaching the door. I notice that there's only one pair of footsteps, which means there's only one intruder. The footsteps stop right in front of the door. Come on, come and get me. Finally the door opens and a figure walks inside. I look at the person, already planning to throw him against the wall, but suddenly I freeze. Our eyes meet. This is impossible. He slowly lowers the gun that he's holding, his eyes hopeful. Any plans that I had are gone and the only thing I can think about is how there's no way this is real. My expression must show shock and it crosses my mind that this is the first time in a long time that I show any honest feelings, even if it is just shock.

"Sammy." He says softly. His voice feels comforting. I didn't think I'd ever hear that voice again. He looks tired and worried, but other than that he looks just like I remember him.

"This isn't possible." I finally say. Damn my voice for sounding so weak and… emotional.

"It's possible. I don't know how, but I'm here Sam." He says taking a few hesitant steps towards me. His eyes travel around the room, stopping at all of the books and then they land back on me. It looks like he suddenly thinks of something.

"Look, I can prove that it's me, I just need some salt and-"

"No, I… if you weren't human I'd feel it." I say cutting him off. My voice sounds soft and the harshness that was there only about ten minutes ago when I was talking to my demons is gone. Before I can think of anything to say one of my demon's, Jimmy, bursts through the door with three other demons behind him, obviously ready to attack. Suddenly I remember that they were out when the exorcism was on so they must've just came back and realized something was wrong. Dean quickly raises his gun, but before he can shoot Jimmy makes the gun fall out of his hands and go to the other side of the room. My demons are about to attack and a look of panic crosses Dean's eyes.

"Stop!" I yell angrily and the demons instantly freeze. Dean looks surprised and also a little take aback by my harsh tone even though it wasn't directed at him.

"Leave us. Now." I command and all four demons start walking out of the room without any questions, though two of them give Dean an angry look.

"Jimmy." I call and he stays behind. Dean looks confused at this, but stays quiet.

"Jimmy, do you know who this is?" I ask. He takes a quick glance at Dean.

"Yes Sir." He says trying to sound calm.

"And…?" I ask to show him I'm going to need a better answer.

"He's your brother. Dean Winchester." He says. I nod, I already knew this was really Dean, but hearing someone else say it only proves I'm not hallucinating or something.

"Well, where is he supposed to be right now?" I ask angrily. Jimmy flinches.

"H-hell, Sir." He stutters nervously.

"So why is he here then?" I ask and the anger in my voice makes a look of hurt flash across Dean's eyes.

"I don't know." He says terrified.

"Well figure it out! It's your damn job to know these things and when someone breaks out of hell demons are supposed to call us and tell us!" I yell angrily. Jimmy stands there and stares at me with wide eyes.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Go!" I yell and he quickly walks out of the room leaving only me and Dean again.

"You… make it sound like me being back is a bad thing." Dean says obviously hurt. How can I even begin to answer that?... How can I begin to wrap my head around the fact that he's back? When I don't answer he continues.

"Let's get out of here. The impala is right outside, we can drive somewhere and… you know, talk. There are a lot of demons here, if they think that you might want to leave-"

"They wouldn't do anything, they're too scared of me… And I can't just take off with you... I have so much going on here." I say quietly, trying and failing to force all of the emotions out of my voice and keeping my eyes on the door, because I'm not sure if I can look at Dean and not give into him right now.

"But what you're doing here is wrong. You can't control demons, you… you can't  _hurt_ people. Somewhere deep down inside you've got to know that… but you know what? Even if you don't it doesn't matter, I'm not asking for you to just change sides over night Sam, I'm only asking for you to come with me and to trust me when I tell you that something isn't right, even if it feels otherwise." He says taking one more step towards me. I finally look at him. The look in his eyes… there's so much worry, so much pain… so much love. In this moment I realize two things, the first one is that if I let him he will never stop trying to save me, and the second is that it's too late. What I'm feeling right now, it's just shock, but it will pass. Even Dean can't save me now. So I force any emotions out, make my eyes cold and voice even and harsh and say what I need to say.

"No. I will never go with you. I like who I am now, I like fending for myself and fighting for what's good for me and not the entire world. Now, you are my brother and for the sake of that I am going to ignore the fact that you broke in here and exorcised my demons, not to mention the fact that you somehow broke out of the hell that I rule and I will let you walk out of here alive. My demons won't harm you. Now leave." I say.

"You don't mean that, you're just confused." He says with  _so_  much pain in his voice. It hits me that he's never going to walk out of here on his own. So I put my arm under the table and press a small hidden button.

"What are you doing?" Dean asks a little panicked. The door opens and two demons walk inside. Just on time.

"Make sure my brother gets outside without any distractions." I tell them. They nod and start walking towards Dean who looks like he's about to attack them.

"If you fight you will have at least twenty more demons coming in here." I warn. He looks at the demons, then at me and sighs.

"Fine. But I will be back." He says looking at me and I can't help but feel like he's searching my eyes for something, maybe a sign that the brother he once knew is still in here somewhere. For a moment I wonder if he found it. He slowly walks out of the room, with my demons walking behind him. I wait for about five minutes until a demon comes by to tell me Dean left. I tell my demons to find out how someone actually came back from hell and more importantly why I wasn't aware of it and lock myself in my library. I'm pacing around the room, towards the door and back to the window, towards the door and back to the window… Dean is back. My brother is back from hell. This is impossible. There's just no way. I'm hallucinating. I'm dreaming. I've lost my mind. Dean. Is. Back. How?... Why? I was doing so well, I didn't care about anything or anyone, it didn't hurt anymore and now… how dare he just come back after all this time and ask me to drop everything I've worked for so hard and leave with him? I finally stop my pacing. I know who I am and Dean being back does not change that. I was shocked to see him, but that doesn't mean that I care about him. I don't, not anymore. But there's this feeling, I don't know what it is, but no matter how hard I try I just can't push it away. I'm not used to feeling. It's weird, consuming and… human. That's why I hate it so much. I walk out of my library and to my and Ashley's room. The door is unlocked, which is good, because I'm already in a bad mood. Ashley's sitting on our bed with her knees pressed against her chest and her head resting on the top of them. I slam the door behind me and she flinches. Our eyes meet. She must be able to tell that I'm in a bad mood, because her eyes shine with fear.

"What happened?" She asks quietly. I walk towards the bed. I get on the bed in front of her and she inches away from me and towards the headboard.

"My brother came back." The words slip out before I even think them. She gulps. I kneel on the bed so that I would be right in front of her and put my hands on her arms.

"Is that a good thing?" She asks. Is it? No. Or maybe… No, no it's not. But I don't say that out loud. I don't say anything, instead I tighten my grip on her arms enough for it to hurt and force my lips on hers. I shift us so that we're both laying down with me on top. I need this.

**Dean's POV:**

"Don't beat yourself up, we both knew this would happen." Bobby says, but instead of bringing me comfort the words make me angry.

"I'm not giving up." I say harshly.

"Dean, he made it perfectly clear that he won't let us help him." He says.

"You don't get it. You weren't there. When he saw me… for a moment… it was weird, mostly he was just shocked, but there was something in his eyes… I don't even know what it was, but he cares about me, I know that he does." I say.

"Or maybe you saw what you wanted to see." He says.

"There were books. Thousands of them, some of them were even open... It's still him Bobby, it's still Sam." I say and desperately try to push away the doubt from my heart.

"You tried talking to him, what else can we even do?" He asks.

"We try again. I'm NOT giving up." I say. He sighs. He gave up a long time ago, I can see it, but I will keep on trying. Sooner or later Sam will come through. He has to.

**Sam's POV:**

I get out of the bed and look down at Ashley's trembling form. It's not like this was the first time we've done this, maybe the first time I was this rough with her, but I don't feel bad, actually I don't feel anything when it comes to her, or anyone.

*****Flashback*****

_I hold out my hands like Ruby toughed me and focus on the demon in front of me._

" _You can do it Sam. Just focus." Ruby says from behind me. The demon charges at me at full force. I clear my head, push all thoughts away, take all the anger and pain and direct it towards the black-eyed monster. The demon suddenly stops in his tracks and black smoke starts coming from his mouth._

" _You're doing it, Sam!" Ruby says excitedly. I feel this energy inside of me, a power unlike anything I've ever felt before and I feel that power effect the demon, force it out of the innocent body. And then it's over and Ruby is checking on the person._

" _He's alive." She says smiling at me. She helps the confused man to his feet and leads him out of the house._

" _You coming? He needs to be looked over by a doctor." She says._

" _Yeah, I'm coming." I say. Suddenly the agonizing pain, the images of Dean being attacked by the hell hounds, all of it comes crashing back to me and that's when the startling realization hits me that it was gone in the first place. For the first time since… since it happened I didn't feel like I was the one who was dying, or to be more precise, I didn't wish that I was the one who was dead._

*****End Of Flashback*****

I shake my head to get rid of the memory. I was a different person back then and Dean being back or not I'm not going back to that. Suddenly I get this urge to do something terrible. Something that would remind me and everyone that I'm a monster. So I walk out my and Ashley's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more flashbacks in the next chapter and also we will get more Dean and Sam interaction.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven't updated this for awhile, because honestly I gave up on this story 'cause only a few people seemed interested, but now I decided to give it another shot.

_I swear I'll never let you see,_

_That somewhere in here I still feel,_

_Cause you once said – for me you'd die,_

_But it's too late, so please don't try,_

**Chapter 3:**

**Dean's POV:**

"This is a really bad idea." Bobby says.

"I don't see what's the big deal, the only way to figure out what Sam's been up to is by questioning demons." I say putting my bag in the impala.

"Listen to yourself. You're being reckless. Planning on walking into a house full of demons all by yourself and those demons don't even answer to Sam." He says.

"Which is exactly why they'll talk to me and the house isn't full of demons, I checked it out, okay? There are only two, the rest of them left." I say frustrated. It's a good plan, why can't Bobby see that?

"Then let me come with you." He says.

"I told you, you can't, someone needs to go to town and keep an eye on the other demons. If they leave the club you call me, I have it all figured out." I say.

"Damn it why are you so stubborn? You just came back from hell, why are you so quick to die again?" He asks trying and failing at sounding angry. I wince at the reminder of my experience in hell, but quickly push it away. The only thing that matters right now is getting Sam back.

"I'll be fine." I say.

"You better be." He says quietly. I get in the impala.

SPNT

I stop in front of the house where five demons have been staying. They're Lilith's loyalists and finding them was not easy. There are only two of them inside and Bobby's keeping an eye on the other three. I take my weapons and get out of the impala.

**Sam's POV:**

"Don't be afraid, if you'll come out now I promise not to hurt you." I lie. I walk through the closed market looking for the girl. Maya is a psychic, she's only seven, but she can see all spirits and even reapers. I am very interested in finding out more about her abilities. Usually I send my demons to do those kind of things, but it's been a week since I found out Dean's alive and ever since then I've had this weird… feeling, I'm not sure what it is exactly, but maybe a little action is just what I need to get rid of it. I stop in front of a closet. I can feel her, she's in there.

"You're parents are very worried about you. Be a good girl and I'll let you come home to them." I lie again. Her parents are unconscious, but otherwise fine in their car, but one way or another, this girl is never seeing her family again. Scaring little kids, kidnapping, sometimes I wonder when exactly I became capable of things like that. I open the door to reveal the small, trembling girl sitting on the ground with her back pressed against the wall.

"There you are." I say and my cold voice makes her tremble even more. I'm about to take a step towards her when suddenly a sharp pain goes through my head. I put my hands to my head, but it doesn't do much good. What the hell is happening to me? The pain intensifies.

' _A small house is standing by an empty road. No, the road isn't empty, there's a car. It's standing in front of the house. The only light is coming from inside, but the car is left in darkness.'_

I fall to my knees and desperately press my hands to my head. I'm having a vision. How is that even possible? I haven't had a vision since I came back to life. Why now?

' _The car becomes clearer. It's the impala. Suddenly the scene changes and the inside of the house comes to view._

" _You really thought you could outsmart us? And here I thought that a Winchester would be smarter than to even attempt something like this alone." A demon says smirking. Dean is on the ground, his arms tied behind his back and around a chair leg._

" _Go to hell." He tells the demon trying and failing to sound threatening._

" _Been there, done that." The demon answers in a sing song voice. He punches Dean, who looks like he already took a beating.'_

The vision ends and so does the pain. I even my rapid breathing and slowly stand up. I look at the girl who's still trembling in the closet, but is also looking at me with curiosity. Our eyes meet. She flinches like she thinks I'm about to attack her and for a moment I actually consider doing exactly that, but instead I close my eyes, take a deep breath, turn around and walk away. I quickly walk outside and get into the car I stole. I recognized the house form my vision, I've passed it a few times while driving around. I think I can be there in about twenty minutes. I start driving. For the past week I've been telling myself that I couldn't care less about Dean and yet here I am on the way to save him. What am I doing? If I save him, then there's no denying it anymore, I care, I feel, but I don't. At least I don't think I do… But I can't just let him die again.

*****Flashback*****

_I put my hand up and focus my power on the demon. I embrace the emotional numbness the energy pulsing through my body provides me with. I savor it, knowing that very soon it will be gone again. The demon stands there, unable to move._

" _Wait, don't." He says just as I'm about to use my powers to exorcise him._

" _Sorry, I don't listen to demons." I say. Well that's not completely true, I do listen to Ruby, who is currently handling a demon on the other side of the town._

" _I'll tell you everything." He says quickly._

" _About what?" I ask skeptical._

" _Hell. Don't you want to know where your brother is?" He asks. Even my powers don't protect me from the pang I feel in my chest over the mention of Dean._

" _Have you seen him?" I find myself asking, but I don't let him go._

" _No. But I can tell you what it's like. Being there I mean." He says._

" _And since when are demons so sharing?" I ask._

" _You're pretty much one of us now, there's no point in hiding anything from you anymore." He says._

" _What do you mean 'practically one of us now'? I am nothing like you." I say angrily._

" _Don't you know? Those powers that you're using, a demon gave them to you, so they're demonic. You embraced the powers, which means you embraced that side of you." He says. I quickly stop the powers and the demon stumbles a bit._

" _No, no the powers are not... they're not…" I trail off. The emotional numbness… that would explain it._

" _Oh, but they are. So like I said, you can exorcise me, or I can tell you everything you've been dying to know. Your choice." He says. Talking to a demon? I can't… but it's not like I'm going to do anything bad, I'll just listen to what he has to say._

" _Fine. Tell me. Tell me everything." I say._

*****End Of Flashback*****

That's what it all started with, I just wanted to know what Dean was going through. Then I was hoping that by talking to demons I could find a way to bring him back. But it's not like that anymore. Now I don't feel any emotions at all, or at least I didn't until Dean came back. But I don't care, I just… I don't even know what it is that I'm feeling, but I DON'T care about him. I stop my car in front of the house. The impala is standing here just as I saw in my vision. I get out of the car, quickly walk to the door and very quietly open it. I can feel five demons, two somewhere downstairs and three upstairs. I think that in my vision Dean was downstairs, so I carefully start walking around the house. I turn around a corner and see them. Dean is on the flour just like I saw in my vision, only now he looks even more beaten up and I think he's unconscious, that or he's… no, no. The demons are standing in front of him.

"You really shouldn't have done that." I say and they quickly turn around. Before they can react I put my hand up and throw them against the wall. I hear footsteps behind me, so I use my other hand to concentrate my power on the other three demons and make them fall backwards to the ground. This will be fun.

SPNT

"Dean." I say shaking him, but there's no reaction. The demons are dead and the walls are covered in their blood. They had it coming. I put a hesitant hand to Dean's neck and shy in relief when I feel a pulse… not like I'm worried or anything, I'm just… checking.

"Dean, wake up." I say shaking him again. I untie his arms and try lightly shaking him again. This isn't working. What am I supposed to do now? It's not like I can just leave him here, what if more demons come? I can't bring him to my mansion either, my demons might get the wrong idea. There's always Bobby, but then I'd have to actually talk to him. I know what I have to do.

SPNT

Dean is laying on the bed in the motel room I checked us into and I'm sitting in the chair across the room and looking at him. I should just leave, if he wakes up and sees that I saved him he'll get it into his head that I'm still the person he once knew… but somehow I can't bring myself to leave. It's that annoying feeling I can't identify, it's stronger than ever. It's weird, seeing him again after all the time I spent trying to save him. I did everything, I embraced my demonic side because I thought that then I'd be able to bring him back.

*****Flashback*****

' _I take a sip of my bear. I'm sitting at a bar and a demon is sitting beside me. Desperate times._

" _You're looking at this wrong. You'll never save your brother like this." The demon says._

" _What do you mean?" I ask. It's been a few weeks since that other demon explained to me about hell and since then I've been trying to find a demon that would know anything about bringing someone back, but so far I have nothing. Ruby hates it that I'm doing this, but she doesn't get it. And how could she get it? She has no idea what I'm going through, how it feels._

" _You're thinking like a hunter. Like a hero. Well you know what? This isn't some movie, heroes don't get happy endings, because they always give everything they have to save the entire world and in return the world destroys them." He explains like it's the most logical thing in the world._

" _Of course you would say that. You're a demon." I say._

" _You and your brother spent you're entire lives saving people, right?" He asks._

" _Yeah." I say._

" _Well tell me, where did that get you? Where did that get him? You call me a monster, but the truth is that the only difference between you and me is that I look after myself, while you look after everyone." He says. That actually makes sense… Wait, since then does logic of demons make sense to me? I should probably be worried about that._

" _Let's say I do, as you put it, 'start looking after myself', how exactly would that help me get Dean back?" I ask. I mentally kick myself for asking this, I mentally kick myself for actually considering a demon's words._

" _Stop thinking like a hunter, start thinking like a demon and you'll figure something out. The thing about us monsters is that we always get what we want." He says. Always get what we want, that sounds… nice._

" _What's your name?" I ask and I'm not even sure where that question came from._

" _Jimmy." He says._

" _What don't you give me your number, just in case you hear anything on Dean or Lilith." I say._

" _Sure thing." He says writing numbers down on a piece of paper and giving it to me._

*****End Of Flashback*****

The sound of Dean moving on the bed snaps me out of my thoughts. He slowly opens his eyes, then suddenly sits up and starts looking around with wide eyes.

"Relax, they're gone." I say standing up and walking towards the bed. He looks at me with surprise.

"Sam?" He asks shocked. He looks around.

"Where are we?" He asks carefully.

"A motel room." I say.

"Wha... Why… what happened?" He asks. He slowly stands up from the bed, stumbles a bit, but keeps his balance.

"You were attacked by demons." I say hoping he won't push it any further, but of course he does.

"Where are the demons?" He asks.

"Dead." I answer.

"You killed them?" He asks. I don't answer. I see a flash of hope in his eyes, which for some reason makes me feel a pang in my chest, so I focus my eyes on the TV standing by the wall.

"How did you know where I was?" He asks.

"I… had a vision." I answer still not looking at him.

"Well… thanks." He says.

"Yeah, I should probably go." I say.

"No, wait. Look, you can't possibly expect me to believe you don't care about me, you just saved me. Don't go back to them, whatever happened while I was gone we can get through it, but you have to stay with me." He says. I look at his hopeful and desperate eyes.

"I'm the leader of demons, I hurt people, I can't just go back to hunting monsters with you." I say.

"Of course you can." He says.

"I don't want to. It's pointless and stupid and  _I don't want to_." I say harshly.

"Okay so maybe right now it doesn't feel like helping people is right, you lost sense of what's right and wrong, but you can get it back if you just try, you know what's right even if it doesn't feel like it, please just trust me, I can save you." He says looking into my eyes. Suddenly it hits me, I understand it now, that feeling that I wasn't able to recognize. It's guilt. Guilt because he's always told me he would save me if it was the last thing he did, but it's too late. I do care about him, kind of, but if I let him try he'll never stop trying to save me and I'm just too far gone. He would die trying to save me. I can't let that happen. I can't let him die again.

"No, you can't. You think that a tiny flicker of humanity in enough to bring me back, but it's not. Just because I saved you today doesn't mean I won't kill you tomorrow. Demons don't feel Dean. I couldn't really feel even if I wanted to." I say and it's the truth.

"Sam, please." He begs.

"No. Just stop. It's too late." I say and start walking towards the door.

"Sam-" He tries to stop me, but I focus my telekinesis on him and make him stop. It's not enough to hurt him, but it does stop him from following me.

"Don't come looking for me again, Dean, or it might end badly for you." I say before walking out of the door. I get into my car and drive away. I curse myself for telling him so much, for letting that girl go, for this entire damn situation. The worst part of this all is that I don't feel anything unless it comes to my brother, so I can't go back with him and I can't completely focus on my goals either. When I finally walk into my mansion the demons stay away from me the moment they see the look of pure rage on my face.

"Hello Ashley." I say as I walk into our room. She looks up from the book she was reading and a terrified look crosses her futures. She presses the now closed book to her chest like her life depends on it.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if anyone's interested in reading a story set so long ago and I'm always very busy with school so I usually don't have a lot of time to write, but I'll try my best.


End file.
